Tinkerbell

Always, I repeat, ALWAYS, check the washing machine before running the water. This is our cat Tinkerbell. I happened to notice her in there just before I turned the knob to start filling the machine with water!

Teddy, The Bundle of Joy

Here are a couple of pics of Little Teddy, making his world wide web debut:

Hard to tell, but in this first one, he is laying on my shoulder.
He has a shoulder fetish I think...

And here, Teddy is preparing to catch the strap of the camera.

Interesting how a little ball of fur can change someone's mindset. In May, we added a BIG ball of fur to the family in the name of Duncan. He is the Siberian Husky we took in, to be a big brother to Molly, the Husky we've had for 6 years now. Although I love my dogs to death, the housekeeping end of it is not so great. There are endless balls of fur, and when the sun is streaming in through the windows, you can see the fur flying around. Gross, yes. But really, I clean the house everyday!!!! I just can't keep up. And with the rain we've been having, the house has been disgusting. The dogs want to go out to go potty, then they come back in and track mud everywhere. On rainy days, it's not unusual for me to mop the floors 3 or 4 times each day. Talk about adding to the fatigue! We bought an extendable child gate and blocked off a section of the house so the dogs can dry off before racing through the house with muddy feet. It works well if someone is nearby, but as soon as you walk into another room, the dogs just jump over the gate and make a mess anyway. They come walking through the house, all triumphant like that they made it over the gate.

The last couple of months, I've complained about all the animals non-stop, and I keep insisting----NO MORE!!!! Brian wants a ferret-------ummmm, No. The kids want a puppy----------ummmmm, No. The kids want a pot-belly pig---------ummmmmm, No. (Although I will admit, they are kinda cool. My brother has one and he is very well-trained.) And get this one......................the kids want a pet monkey----------------No, no, no, no. And then this cute little kitten shows up needing a family. And food. He was starving. How could I turn him away?

Adventures

Birthday Adventures: Brian's birthday went well. All the kids were here and we had our turkey dinner. The birthday cake? That was not so great. I used a recipe I found for a double layer 9 inch cake, from one of the guys from Ace of Cakes on the Food channel. I'm thinking.......recipe from a chef that has a TV show, gonna be the best cake ever. Well, the darn thing wouldn't cook all the way through, so I cut out the centers and made a donut-looking cake. But the outsides were overdone. Oh well, it's the thought that counts. There goes another recipe into the recycle bin.

Baking Adventures: I will be the first to admit I am not much of a baker, however, at least I give it a shot. Lately I've been baking up a storm--pumkin chocolate chip cookies, couple of pumpkin pies, peanut butter blossom cookies, etc. They've all turned out pretty well, enough so that it all gets eaten by all the kids!

Hiking Adventures: Friday took me on an adventure that I was not so sure about attempting. It was one of those things though that would make me feel like I've failed if I didn't give it a try. So, that being said, early Friday morning, after dropping the kids off at school, I met my sister and her hubby at the state park that is located just outside of our town. It was cold and there was frost on the ground, but we headed out towards the hiking trails. At times, I didn't think I was going to make it, but was reassured that I had company, and I had my cell phone in my pocket just in case. The trails are rugged, with a lot of ups and downs. Many of the areas haven't been well-maintained so the going was rough. But I did it! And I didn't even cry :) My legs cramped and ached the rest of the day, but I felt like I'd accomplished something. She wanted to go again today, but I wasn't able. Maybe another time this week.

Bear-Building Adventures: The weekend was busy with all of the kids. We spent lots of time playing, and yesterday we went to the Build-A-Bear store. All 4 kids made their animals, and Brian and I each did one too. It was fun!

Kitten Adventures: Saturday morning I was home alone while Brian was out with the kids. I kept hearing a noise that sounded like a child crying. I went onto the front porch, and there was a cute little kitten standing in the road, and it almost sounded like it was screaming. The poor thing was scared to death. I called to it, and it just continued crying. I saw some vehicles coming, so I squated down on the sidewalk and called to it again, and it came running right up, jumped onto my shoulder and sat there, purring. He is probably only 8 or 10 weeks old, and his name is Teddy. So...................now we have another animal in our house, which brings us to 2 dogs, 5 cats, 3 gerbils, 2 hermit crabs, and a tank full of fish. I must be crazy. .......

The Little Things

It's always the little things that seem to matter the most. I know I'm in a downward slide, as far as depression and the MS issues. But Brian is there by my side, always doing little things that maybe don't seem like much to others, but mean the world to me.

Saturday I finally broke down after weeks of holding it in. I try to be strong, and try to pretend that life is the same as it was. But the reality is harsh, and sometimes you just have to let it go. We had a great day Saturday. We took the four kids to see the new Disney movie, A Christmas Carol. Then we took them out to eat, and after dropped all 4 off at their other parent's houses. Brian and I later went out for dinner, then home for alone time and some movies. All was good, until late at night. I commented on the fact that I had hardly any feeling at all in my arm, and that it scares me that the first thing to go is going to be my right hand and arm. I'm right handed, and damned if I can do anything significant with my left arm. It just doesn't work! I try not to say much about how scared I get, but the moment was right for talking. Next thing you know I was crying hysterically about how scared and depressed I was. And all he did was hold me, give me gentle kisses, and listen while letting me get it out.

He calls me during the day (often) to check on me, and when he gets home from work, he does all he can to help with the kids and around the house. I see other people's spouses that just don't give a damn, but Brian is always there for me, no matter what I need.

He always brings me tea while I soak in the bath, he makes my coffee and brings it to me every morning, massages my back, arms and legs when they need it, makes dinner when I'm not up to it, and so many other things. I could just go on and on and on.

Tomorrow is Brian's birthday. He is taking the day off, and since schools are closed for Veteran's Day, all four kids will be here. We are having a turkey dinner with all the fixings, and I'm making him a birthday cake.

To Brian: Happy Birthday to you, and thank you for all you do for me and the kids. We love you (the mostest)! Words can't tell you just how much we love and appreciate you.

Conflicting Emotions

Last night I had a conversation with my 8 year old son that is still making me smile. We've all been sick for the last week or so. Son missed school last Friday and this Monday, and daughter (10) missed last Wednesday, Friday and this Monday. They both went back on Tuesday. I fully expected them to have a ton of homework, but apparently more than half of their classes are out sick, so they haven't been doing much in class. Therefore, no homework. The teachers don't want to get too far ahead of the students that are sick. The conversation went like this:

Me: Are you absolutely sure you don't have any spelling homework this week?

Son: I'm sure Mom. The teacher didn't give us any spelling words.

Me: Did she give them out on Monday, but you forgot to get them from her on Tuesday?

Son: I'm sure!

Me: You have spelling assignments every week. Why not this week?

Son: I think it's because it's Free Drug Week at the school.

(This is where I lose it, then I look over at Brian who is cracking up.) I would like to know what the free drugs are that they are giving away. I think I shall head over there and browse through my options. Son still can't figure out what's so darn funny!

We had a good Halloween even though the kids weren't feeling well. We all dressed up for the occassion. I was an angel (of course), Brian was the Grim Reaper (of course :), Tyler was a Ninja and Megan was some sort of wizard girlie thingie. Taylor and Christian (Brian's boys) were unable to join us because they both have the flu. We probably walked about 2 miles. Brian wanted to drive but I refused. I just told him that if I fall, pick me up, brush me off, and don't make a big deal. I didn't fall, but my body let me know about it later that night. My legs and hips were painful, and the L'Hermitte's syndrome kicked in strong. Every time I moved my neck it was like a bolt of electricity racing down my body.

Since my last post (over a month ago, sheesh!), I received my initial payment from SSDI, so all is good now financially. We paid up on everything, paid off some things, and now our house is out of the clutches of foreclosure. It seems as if a weight has been lifted. When we look back over the struggles of the past year, I'm suprised we made it. You know what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. After the bills were all paid and caught up, we went and had a little fun. We did a little shopping, went out for dinner, and Brian and I headed up to Niagara Falls. A little time away from it all does a body good. Now, it's back to normal, but at least we are no longer in the red.

Even though the financial problems have been resolved, I still find myself getting angry. I went from being a professional to disabled, almost over night it seems. When I read over the paperwork from SSDI, I was shocked at the medical aspect of it all. To read it makes it seem more real, although my mind is still not quite accepting it. I guess for me, reality is taking a much longer time than it should to settle in. I fight back by doing more than I should, but then I pay for it later. By the end of the day, I'm often in a lot of pain, but I continually try to hide it and keep going. Alot of times, Brian will come home from work, take one look at me and say "You did too much again today, didn't you?" He tries so hard to help around the house, but he's so busy between his full time job and his own business. I try to get everything done around the house before he gets home so he doesn't have to worry. But damn, this is a big house, so it's a pain in the butt, and literally, the hips, legs and arms, to clean it.

Speaking of big house, we are about to embark on a project. I may have mentioned it before, but we are moving our bedroom from the second floor to the first floor. We have a few rooms that we don't really use, so we are going to turn one into a bedroom. The room is meant to be a second living room, but we already have the main living room, then another room that is a smaller living room, minus a TV. We call that the sitting room. It just has a couch, a couple of chairs, and the aqaurium. It's a nice relaxing room. So now the supposed second living room will now be our bedroom. Brian and my brother-in-law are going to build the wall, a closet, throw on a door, add a corner bathtub in the room (for my soaking pleasure). There is a half bathroom there, so our bedroom will be like a suite. Now just to get the two of them together so they can get this project done!

That's it for now. Take care!

Celebrations and Struggles

It's been another looong month here in our wild and wacky household.

Things have been stressful, tiring and downright difficult. I dropped all of my classes as the college because I have been not well, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it except by just scraping by. And I refuse to do that. I have to give my all or nothing. So I chose nothing for this semester. At first I was upset with myself because I felt like I was giving up, but as the month of September has progressed, I am glad I did it.

We almost lost our home. I hate to admit here in a public spot, but I need to talk about it. Foreclosure started in August, but we were able to get a judge to grant us a "conditional order", in which we had to pay a large sum of money by the end of August, then another chunk by the end of September. I closed out my IRA to get the money for August, but we didn't have enough for the end of September payment.

Then just as we were preparing mentally for losing our home, we received the letter we have been waiting for. I GOT APPROVED FOR SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY!!!! Now, we don't have to move, and with the first check we get for all the back months owed, we will be able to pay off pretty much everything we owe, except for the house. I have been fighting this for over a year now, and my attorney's office has been wonderful. We filed a "dire need" claim to show that we are in the red each month, and also let them know that because of financial problems, I've had to go off all of my medications except Rebif, which is free to me for a year. I spoke with a Social Security advocate about two weeks ago who told me that I have done all I can do, "dire need" situations are usually applied to those who have already lost there homes, and realistically, I am probably going to have to wait at least another year until my case is reviewed because the system is so backlogged. Finally, a judge reviewed my case and approved me, without having to go to a hearing!

A huge weight has been lifted off of our shoulders, and Brian and I have big permanent smiles on our faces. Saturday night we had a celebration at home, just the two of us, with clams, crab legs, clams casino, peach sangria (for me) and scotch )for him).

Meanwhile, with all this stress, I was in so much pain that I had to visit the neurologist. I was taking Vicodin to take the edge of the pain, which I hated to do. My left wrist, left knee, left ankle, both hips and left foot were all hurting. The worst was my wrist. It was so painful I wanted to either scream or cry. I'm sure it was all stress related, but the neurologist I saw (not my normal) said that "I think you have a joint problem unrelated to MS. Take aspirin three times a day." And it cost me $140.00 for him to tell me that. Wouldn't you think that if he thought I was having a joint problem, he would look into it more? The pain has subsided to a dull ache that I can deal with. And no, I haven't taken any aspirin.

That's my month in a nutshell. Although there is more, but I will get to it another time. Time to get the kids off to school.

Parties & Parties & Parties Oh My

The last couple of weeks have been fun but exhausting. We have had so many invites for social gatherings and parties, and we've attended them all. On top of that, we had my son's birthday party to give on Sunday. He turned 8, and I can still remember very clearly the day and moments when he was born. It seems like yesterday. Between Brian and I, our 4 kids are now 12, 10, 9, and 8. And Holy Cow, they keep us forever busy!

My college classes start today, and with all the changes I've made in my schedule, I'm now taking Law, Business Math, Intro to Business, and Contitutional Rights. None of them sound very interesting, and I'm not looking forward to this semester. But I wanted to take some business classes so I can learn more about running Brian's business, and the Law and Constitutional Rights classes are needs for my Criminal Justice degree. Actually the Business Math is needed for the CJ degree also, so that one will help with both goals. Still, all seem boring. Ick.

Yesterday we took the 4 kids to a theme park that's about an hour and a half away. We spent the day riding rides and walking for what seems like miles. Of course we hit all the rides that I knew were going to hurt! The rollercoasters and fast moving spinning rides all left me feeling as if I were beaten with a bat. Today I'm walking all stiff-legged and looking pretty rough. I knew the day was going to do me in, but I set my mind to doing it, and I made it through. We had loads of fun, but had to leave a bit early because Brian's 2 boys started school today. My kids start tomorrow. Kinda one of those bittersweet things--although I've enjoyed having them underfoot all summer, I'm also looking forward to a little peace from the arguing and the "Mom, I'm bored!" comments all summer long. I never once noticed us being bored!!!

Now on to the dreaded MS stuff. I have what may be a new symptom, but I'm not sure if it's MS related or not. For the past 5 or 6 days, as soon as I lay down in bed, my head starts feeling as if I am having mini-explosions inside my brain. There is no pain really, just startling, and I notice I jump a little each time it happens. At least I feel like I jump, but I'm not sure if I really am. I can even "hear" it, and it sounds like a little blast in my head! I should probably call the doctor, but you now how it is, I would rather suffer with it a bit to see if it goes away to avoid a doctors visit.

The kids and I are off to the college to get my books. I've been there twice and they haven't been in. Now that classes have started, I would hope the books have arrived!